My absence has not been missed.

Greetings fellow life-wasters, how's the rain today?
It seems as though I have forgotten to update my blogspot recently. While I know this has not been brought to anyones attention, nor should it matter, I'm doing this for the sake of doing something. Swimming under the radar, I think so. Life's drab as it has been. I found my friend whose been missing for three weeks only to find she was sulking at home, believing I didn't care for her, because someone decided to misinform her. It was an awful feeling, and now more than I ever, I see little to no point in existing. I'm tired off being everybodies convenience. Never anyone's number one. Things at home have gone from bad to worse. I've lost all authority I might have once held, if I can even call it that. I'm stuck at home, doing nothing but spending my short hours playing video games and crying. It's stupid and childish, but it's the truth, and I can't help feeling the way I do. And I just found out that one of my old good friends has completely forgotten who I am. Awesome. All the more reason to just sink into a pit of nothingness. And also, I saw that person the other day. My heart sank into my stomach. I felt so helpless and desperate, I didn't want to look at this person. It hurt to know that for some reason I was sprouting feelings for this person, while I am madly in love with my Simon. It doesn't make any sense, and it just confuses me to no end. It also seems like this person is mad at me, not even shooting me a pity glance. Not so much as a word, no matter how many texts I send, or whenever I try to talk on the computer. I suppose my efforts are wasted, and I should simply give up on the world completely. So long! Farewell! Have fun without me! Don't stay out too late. I have a feeling this person might know who they are, and it scares me.

Wish I had the guts. No one wants to put in the effort to help me, so why should I help myself. I will always be depressed as long as everyone refuses to take some blame. So I'll just blame myself , and hope that one day soon I can make amends with myself, and actually cease to breath. If only, if only. I wish I could just be happy, but that hardly ever happens. I don't feel the same as I used to. I always feel vacant, and like there's nothing inside of me except for this undying sadness. Please. Anyone, out there? Help. Because I'm just one more bad day away from hanging myself in my closet. Don't worry though, don't blame yourselves, no one reads this anyways. I'm not expecting any real help. I've just been sitting in my room, crying like a bruised baby. My parents don't mind as long as I'm not heard over their noon news-hour. I used to this blog was a positive output for my thoughts and emotions. I now realize it's just a sad realization of my even sadder life. Le sigh, I really need to stop complaining.