I have lost who I am completely

I have left a part of my life behind, and I have never been happier. Can you believe it? After I abandoned the trouble that was my previous circle of friends, things have been so much clearer. I have a definate sense of who my real friends are, and life is surprisingly breezy. Mind you, I have my troubles with school and whatnot, but at least I'm passing.

Lalalala~

I really don't have many complaints. <3 Just petty problems. Be proud of me, guys.

~<3

Have I ever mentioned that I hate hair. Hair and feet. I simply detest them. They're the catalyst to my undying rage. Shove your feet in my face, it's a quick and easy way to the more repungnant side of myself. It's horrifying. And my hair is red now. But it faded fast, le sigh. Oh well. I'm currently in my Socials class, watching Lucas make a scrawling opposition out of my every comment. It's a little fascinating, and sickening at the same time. He has this self-loathing I have never experience, and I'm completely enticed by it. No, I do not have feelings for him. I just find it completely encapturing to be surrounded by his conversation. Nothing like it. He likes to write a lot. If there's a piece of loose paper, he'll write on it and turn it into beauty. Simply wonderous, in my eyes. If I could create such a place where I could just sit and be alone, I think I'd let Lucas visit once in a while. Though, he makes me feel rather small at times with his worldly demeanor and upper-class attitude. However, it creates a challenge of sorts. Well, good sir, I accept.

Perhaps too early for a comeback.

Here I am, sitting in the conference room of my highschool. It's dull, but at least I get access to a laptop, and my music. The only thing I find solice in anymore. Simon and I are fine, but I don't get to see him nearly as often as I should. He's off to Prince George this weekend for some sort of exchange student retreat. He's been at home less and less lately, thus meaning that we have less time to talk. I understand though, he has his own life, of which I happily watch him lead. It makes me happy knowing that he has a completely functional life, in which he basks in relentlessly. He's so strong emotionally, and that's possibly why I'm so deeply in love with the man. Now, you may argue than I myself am far too immature and young to understand fully what love really means and extends to, but I'm pretty sure I have a better understanding than most.

In other news,

My life is crumbling faster than 90 mph. For starters, my very best friend was unexpectedly plucked out of my hands and placed in the ED center for the remainder of the school year, which is approx. 6 weeks or so. Six weeks that I am left completely defenseless and alone. Everyone around me has given up pretty fast. That's alright, I predicted it from the beginning. At the moment, the school counsellor is figuring out how to take me out of Math, and put me in a simpler course, for Math is far too trivial and tedious for my tastes. It's become more of a burden than a helpful life skill. I don't see it's use where I'm going. It's a daunting thought that lingers like a shadow in the back of my mind, but I know that eventually, I will be there. One way or another. Also, my 'friend' decided to play an awful trick on me today. She decided to convince me that she was moving away to Vancouver imminently. And that she was too afraid to tell me before (incidentally, this is the same friend as before who got caught up in drugs). So, when I ran to bathroom to cry, and throw up, someone apparently took notice of my upsetting state. So, Becca walked soulessly to the bathroom, to inform me that it was all just a big joke at my own cost. My feelings of loss were vacantly replaced with complete and utter betrayal, for she knows my deficit with trust. Yet there she was abusing my trust as if it were some helpless little dog. I could only just bring myself to walk away. I have no words for her. And the best part is, (you'll love this) when I proceeded to my first class, she was waiting outside the door, took notice of my presence, and began getting mad AT ME. She had the guts and balls to begin dishing it out to me like some sort of child for something that she decided to do so foolishly. All I could do was continue inside, and fester in my own negative outlook. I hate people. I really do. None of them are worth my time. I can't figure out why I got so upset when I found out she was leaving. Maybe it's because of our long history. Who knows? All I know is that I value my relationships with Simon, Kaleigh, and Andrew. That's all. They're the only ones willing to fight for me, and even then, they can be a lot to handle. But I appreciate their wild spirits.

Until next time.

-Danielle. (aka, Savvie)

Come wander with me.

He came from the sunset, he came from the sea.
---------------------------------------------------
Back again, I see. This is all I ever do anymore. Just write and type. Life is duller than usual, and school is nothing to look forward to anymore. The trouble never ends, and the plot continues to thicken everyday. I despise people. I revolt them. I've always known it, but recently, I've embraced it. People are completely selfish beings. None of which are worth any effort, considering how easy it is for them to forget about me. But it's alright, I really don't mind. As long as me and society have an understanding, than I have no problem flying under the radar. My days consist of slumping through school, and any free time I get, I just go to the library. That is my life. The library rat with no social life. I gave up 'friends'. Their as bad as the rest of them. Their all about primitive emotions, and no second thoughts. All their regrets are based on third-party opinions, and I want nothing to do with a group of miscreants. Now, I may myself be one, but at least I'm not blind and ignorant. Next year, I do my own thing with school. All I do at my highschool next year, is artistically based. All my academics are to be done at my own pace at the ED Center.Now most people think that the ED Center is for people of lesser intelligence or trouble-makers.

Nay nay.

It's for those who wish to work at their own pace. Also, I didn't even ask for this. The school I guess just noticed that I can ace the schoolwork, I just don't apply myself. I hardly explained why, and their just going to put me through an academic program where I do minimal work, and I could complete my academics in about three months. I also get the same graduation plan as everyone. It's a win-win scenario, and I'm more than happy to take advantage of this opportunity. As for people, I keep them literally at a distance. I hardly talk to the people I used to. They wonder why, completely self-involved. "Danielle, why don't we ever hang out anymore? Do you hate me?" No, you selfish prick. I despise the highschool game, and I refuse to conform to a circulation of selfish norms. Stop thinking about yourself. How about you consider why I myself am isolating myself other than making the situation about yourself? That's how I decipher friends. People who are based on first-come-first-serve emotions bother me. Their selfish, and people just don't care. I hate it. Chances are, if you're reading this, you don't care. That's alright, neither do I. I've learned to stop apologizing for other peoples mistakes, and giving into what other people want. Whats more dispicable, is that people half of the time only speak to me when it's of their benefit. Well, fuck you.

Anywho, that's all for now.
Farewell my phantom internet audience.

My absence has not been missed.

Greetings fellow life-wasters, how's the rain today?
It seems as though I have forgotten to update my blogspot recently. While I know this has not been brought to anyones attention, nor should it matter, I'm doing this for the sake of doing something. Swimming under the radar, I think so. Life's drab as it has been. I found my friend whose been missing for three weeks only to find she was sulking at home, believing I didn't care for her, because someone decided to misinform her. It was an awful feeling, and now more than I ever, I see little to no point in existing. I'm tired off being everybodies convenience. Never anyone's number one. Things at home have gone from bad to worse. I've lost all authority I might have once held, if I can even call it that. I'm stuck at home, doing nothing but spending my short hours playing video games and crying. It's stupid and childish, but it's the truth, and I can't help feeling the way I do. And I just found out that one of my old good friends has completely forgotten who I am. Awesome. All the more reason to just sink into a pit of nothingness. And also, I saw that person the other day. My heart sank into my stomach. I felt so helpless and desperate, I didn't want to look at this person. It hurt to know that for some reason I was sprouting feelings for this person, while I am madly in love with my Simon. It doesn't make any sense, and it just confuses me to no end. It also seems like this person is mad at me, not even shooting me a pity glance. Not so much as a word, no matter how many texts I send, or whenever I try to talk on the computer. I suppose my efforts are wasted, and I should simply give up on the world completely. So long! Farewell! Have fun without me! Don't stay out too late. I have a feeling this person might know who they are, and it scares me.

Wish I had the guts. No one wants to put in the effort to help me, so why should I help myself. I will always be depressed as long as everyone refuses to take some blame. So I'll just blame myself , and hope that one day soon I can make amends with myself, and actually cease to breath. If only, if only. I wish I could just be happy, but that hardly ever happens. I don't feel the same as I used to. I always feel vacant, and like there's nothing inside of me except for this undying sadness. Please. Anyone, out there? Help. Because I'm just one more bad day away from hanging myself in my closet. Don't worry though, don't blame yourselves, no one reads this anyways. I'm not expecting any real help. I've just been sitting in my room, crying like a bruised baby. My parents don't mind as long as I'm not heard over their noon news-hour. I used to this blog was a positive output for my thoughts and emotions. I now realize it's just a sad realization of my even sadder life. Le sigh, I really need to stop complaining.

Back by popular demand. (Not really)

I just want to start out by saying that I have no idea how to feel about Olive Garden commercials.
Now that that's out of the way, the Olympics here are nuts. Absolutely loony. Anyone who travels to Vancouver for them is ridiculous. You can't do anything without it costing you an arm and a leg. It is a field day, only everyday. On the flip side though, I'm off my grounding even though I haven't done a whole lot. Hoping to resume DnD, and other activities. I need a job badly. Working for the parents isn't bad, BUT I would like a job that pays more. Not a whole lot else going on in my life however. I've been having strange dreams, but I don't see a lot of meaning in them.
I've been stuck in a blue. My friend is a druggie now, found out she was fucking around with my friends boyfriend. Oh well. She was a good person, but now she's a dick. Sorry to be so blunt, but I just have no feelings toward her anymore. She is not the same person, so I really don't mind. But this is all I have to offer to the world on a personal level. Life is boring. Life at home sucks. Life outside of home sucks on the whole. I mean, I have some good aspects. People I think would be better for me, AND I want to know. But I'm just scared to get close to people now. It's frightening. Also, I had some random guy texting me, calling me Alice. I ignored it, and for some reason, he got mad at me even though I have no idea who he is. Welp, people are strange. I've been focusing on school and such more than ever. I've got little to no social life, hah. I got two new Tank Girl comics and this is very pleasing. I am also painting my room. I've been trying to find new outputs for my emotions. I don't know. It's weird leaving all these people behind, but I'm happy I did. Boyfriend and I are smooth sailing, although mysterious person is still on my mind.

-<3