Am I being too paranoid?

Today was awful. I had some of the worst news of my life thrown in my face, and I think it was obvious I was upset by it. I don't know if I'm ready to share said news yet, but I can tell the story around it. I went to school today, against my parents wishes, so that I could hopefully try and carry on with a normal life. If I just push it aside, I know I'll just ignore it until I can't change anything. Anyway, I guess I was being unusually quiet, because one of my best friends pointed out that I 'wasn't myself'. And apparently, that means putting on an act of over-quirkiness and slapping on a dull smile. Trust me, I tried to act normal. But I just kept fading. I just couldn't get whatever it was out of my system. I sort of shrugged at my group of friends, and that was it. No inquiries, no pushing to see what was wrong. That's it. Sure, I don't like it when people pry, and I don't think it fair to push petty problems onto others, but this was different. It would've been nice to know that someone was actually trying for me. But their not. No one is. Because no one wants to blame themselves. It's a little discerning. I continued on with the day, listening to each teacher drone on about exams and how to prepare for them (Something I already know how to do fluently).

In third period, I sat there reading. Anything to keep my mind off of the situation that was burning into my brain. But I finished my book halfway through, and I struggled to keep my attention on the French art teacher rambling on about water colors. After a few moments of sitting completely undisturbed, I began to paint as we were instructed. A friend of mine, Sean.M, commented on my low being to the girl next to us who had stolen my seat (Even though my jacket was hanging over the back..Oh well.) And she only said that they should leave me alone. That was the least of what I wanted. Is this how lazy society has become? Not even willing to fight in the slightest for a friends well-being? It immediately dampened my spirits.I was just about to dash out of the room and mentally beat the crap out of myself followed by a personal struggle whether I should admit myself to the hospital, a friendly figure approached me. He looked into my face, and I knew he saw something. No, not some romantic fairytale moment. But it felt like he saw something was really wrong. It meant a lot more than any of my other friends feeble attempts at comfort. If I can even call it that.

He then made conversation on the fact that he hadn't shaved, and his beard was coming in nicely. I agreed. I had dared him not to shave so I could see the extent of his beard. He claims it's as long as it will get, but I beg to differ. Slap some testosterone on it, and see what happens! (I wonder if that would actually work...Taking the testosterone gene and condensing it into a liquid form...) But it was nice to have someone who was willing to have a normal conversation with me, despite the fact that I was obviously upset for some reason. No, he didn't pry. Just a simple 'How're you doing?' But that was all I needed. In the end, it was far more effective, and did a lot more good. And in other news, I forgot to mention I'm an anime freak. D:! I don't know how I forgot this, but I have a lot of mangas, a lot of comics, and I watch a lot of series. Hurrah for having no life!

But on the bright side, I am now in a slightly better mood, despite my reoccurring thought process. I think I'm ready to face tomorrow with full force, and see how it goes. I really don't want to have to explain a lot until I'm ready.

-<3
01/18/10